Tina Szymczak

October 18, 2015

To the 28 Year Old Me

You are about to meet the most adorable little boy who will make you a mother. His smile and laugh are the best. He gives hugs like no other and his inquisitiveness is infectious.  Your first few weeks of being a mom will mostly be wonderful. The first sign that things aren’t as amazing as they are meant to be is when you find yourself crying in Zellers in the sock aisle because no one has taught you what size of socks a 3 year old needs and there are so many choices. But don’t worry. No one saw you cry. That will come later. I probably don’t need to tell you that the crying over socks isn’t really about […]
October 12, 2015

He Will Be Okay

I began writing this 12 years ago and just finished it to submit to an online site (they passed, sniff) but I thought I would share it here. He moved quickly around the room – touching all that could be touched. I followed him, trying to head him off before he ran down the hallway. He went to the front desk and knocked all the papers off the table. I firmly helped him to pick them all up again. I could feel the eyes staring at me, judging me for not having better control of my child. I silently admonished myself. I should have known to not come so early, the waiting was just too much for him. I dug […]
October 1, 2015

Get In The Pool

My essay analogy about life as a parent with a child with a disability being like trying to swim in a pool has been picked up by BLOOM, online magazine for Holland Bloorview Kids Rehabilitation Hospital. http://bloom-parentingkidswithdisabilities.blogspot.ca/2015/09/its-hard-to-tell-when-special-needs.html There are some paragraphs in this version that weren’t in the earlier version. Tina
September 22, 2015

Like A Failure

I feel like a failure And I have felt like that for quite some time I don’t feel like a failure for everything – just a failure in creating inclusive opportunities for my son and other children with disabilities. I feel like I should walk the path encouraging people along the way to partake of our knowledge about inclusion and what it means not just for our children with disabilities but rather for everyone in the community. When Corbin was younger we tried many preschool activities – all of which he was asked to leave due to aggression and inability to follow the rules. Those were early years and we had no answers as to why he did what he […]
September 11, 2015

Double Edged Sword

As soon as I walk through the door he throws himself toward me, his face pinched with anger he shouts with disgust in his voice “Did you and Dad buy me a Chromebook?” “hunh?What?” I respond while I put down my bags and wait for him to do a better job explaining himself. “There’s a Chromebook at school with my name on it. Did you do that?” he still sounds so angry and that anger is not making sense to me. I mean, who wouldn’t want a Chromebook? But I’m piecing things together as he stands there, his arms crossed, tapping his foot with impatience. “Look, Buddy, when we went to see that doctor and they did all those activities […]
September 10, 2015

World Suicide Prevention Day

My latest battle with depression is too recent and raw to write about yet but I wanted to acknowledge it is World Suicide Prevention Day so here is my post from 2010 Tuesday December 11th, 1990 Right now I am sitting in front of my locker and no one knows what I have done. I’m scared. Scared that everyone will hate me and no one will understand what I’ve just done. Scared to live though. I really am. I honestly can’t see a future. I want someone to help me, to take away the hurt and make me happy but no one can. Please forgive me for I am so sorry. ______________________________________________________________ That was part of the suicide note I […]